It is important when reading my story to know that this is my own personal experience and opinion and what you may be going through could be different and have a different path to overcome the issues that you have. What I can say for sure is that I have overcome my Social Anxiety.
I want to start by telling you my understanding of Anxiety from what I have experienced and from an explanation given to me by a talking therapies coach in West London. I will then go on to tell you my story up until the day of writing this post. I will finish with giving my advice on what steps you could do to overcome your anxiety.
“What is Social Anxiety?” is a difficult question to answer because we’re still not fully in agreement about what causes it and how to cure it. My Talking Therapies coach who saw me towards the end of my struggle told me that essentially every human has a an ‘Anxiety Gauge’ with a limit. When our Anxiety reaches a certain level, we go into ‘Panic Mode’ and ‘Fight or Flight instinct’ kicks in. With people who suffer from Anxiety that limit is lower so its much easier for a sufferer to have a Panic Attack or experience other symptoms of their Anxiety. This limit is lowered by a number of other factors including exercise, alcohol consumption, diet, mood, sleep and Caffeine.
With people who suffer from Social Anxiety the build up to this limit usually comes from being around other people in social situations. You worry about what you look like to others, how you sound, and what impression you are giving. Then once you start to notice the symptoms of a Panic Attack you feel more anxious because you know what is coming and you don’t want others to know so you try and escape whether temporarily, for fresh air or to the bathroom, or permanently, where you just simply leave. That’s what happened to me.
I first started having symptoms of anxiety when I was 17. I’m now 24.
When I was 17 I was finishing college and I hadn’t done as well as I had wanted to. I played a lot of Playstation, drank a lot of Coca-Cola (probably on average 1 can a day) and I don’t recall doing any regular exercise of more than once per week.
I was at a College attached to my High School which had new students who had joined from other High Schools and I was part of 2 large groups of students and I got on well with the newer group but felt as if I was slowly moving away from the other older group. As a result, I had mixed emotions of feeling happy that I had made new friends but also sad because I felt like some of my older friends were no longer as close as they had been.
I started to be invited out by the newer group but I was not established with them and always felt like I was the newcomer. Which in the beginning was super as there is excitement and interest from everyone to find out who you are.
I felt like I became very popular very quickly and I had 3 close friends in the group who I ended up going on holiday with, interestingly my Social Anxiety symptoms had presented themselves before the holiday but not during. When I went out with these friends I did start to notice problems.
I started to feel pressure to entertain, I started to notice people didn’t always agree with what I had to say and that when my friends found out certain things, for example, that I ate a lot of ready meals and very few fruits and vegetables. I started to feel a lot of judgement. I started to feel like at times I was the butt of some of the jokes and I suspected that some of my friends no longer saw me in the same light.
Over a series of months my Social Anxiety started to develop and presented itself when I was with this group, I was very much in denial that I had any issues and felt that it was just part of growing up and that the feelings and anxious thoughts would pass in time.
When I was 17 I was finishing college and I hadn’t done as well as I had wanted to. I played a lot of Playstation, drank a lot of Coca-Cola (probably on average 1 can a day) and I don’t recall doing any regular exercise of more than once per week.
I was at a College attached to my High School which had new students who had joined from other High Schools and I was part of 2 large groups of students and I got on well with the newer group but felt as if I was slowly moving away from the other older group. As a result, I had mixed emotions of feeling happy that I had made new friends but also sad because I felt like some of my older friends were no longer as close as they had been.
I started to be invited out by the newer group but I was not established with them and always felt like I was the newcomer. Which in the beginning was super as there is excitement and interest from everyone to find out who you are.
I felt like I became very popular very quickly and I had 3 close friends in the group who I ended up going on holiday with, interestingly my Social Anxiety symptoms had presented themselves before the holiday but not during. When I went out with these friends I did start to notice problems.
I started to feel pressure to entertain, I started to notice people didn’t always agree with what I had to say and that when my friends found out certain things, for example, that I ate a lot of ready meals and very few fruits and vegetables. I started to feel a lot of judgement. I started to feel like at times I was the butt of some of the jokes and I suspected that some of my friends no longer saw me in the same light.
Over a series of months my Social Anxiety started to develop and presented itself when I was with this group, I was very much in denial that I had any issues and felt that it was just part of growing up and that the feelings and anxious thoughts would pass in time.
Two Memories of my Social Anxiety
One memory I have is of going to a pub with my friends. I drank a few drinks with them and we were chatting in a group and I remember someone asked me a direct question and the group focused on my answer. I was able to answer the question but immediately felt pressure and Anxiety and being put under a spotlight. I experienced the sequence of symptoms that lead up to a Panic Attack. My palms got very sweaty, I felt very hot, I lost my appetite, my throat constricted slightly and I couldn’t focus on what was being said and what was going on. Everything felt slightly faster and within a minute or so I had started to feel Nauseous. I excused myself and went to the Bathroom and threw up.
When I came back to the table, I felt much better and was able to continue my evening. This experience sticks with me because it is the first time that I acknowledged that something abnormal was happening and that I couldn’t just write it off.
When I came back to the table, I felt much better and was able to continue my evening. This experience sticks with me because it is the first time that I acknowledged that something abnormal was happening and that I couldn’t just write it off.
My second memory came after I had done some research. I had looked into my symptoms and saw that they aligned with certain mental health disorders. I wasn’t fully convinced that I had Social Anxiety because I didn’t experience these symptoms much outside meeting up with my group of friends.
I was also determined to handle it on my own. I don’t recall having told my parents at this point.
I was also determined to handle it on my own. I don’t recall having told my parents at this point.
I had confessed to my 3 close friends what I was feeling so that they could understand better what I was going through and to see if they could help me. I felt that they did not fully understand but were appreciative that I had told them how I was feeling. They used terms like “it’s all in your head” which actually annoyed me because it all being ‘in my head’ makes it harder to handle contrary to the saying.
My second memory was of travelling to visit my friends at the pub. I lived in London and travelled on the tube to meet them and when I got out, I met my friend to walk to the pub and join the others. As we were walking, I told him that I was feeling anxious and that I just wanted to go home and he was pushing me to come along with him and try and fight it. It got to a point where we were halfway there and I told him I wasn’t going to come as every step I took going towards the pub made me feel more and more Nauseous. I thanked him for meeting me but that I just couldn’t handle it and was going home and he said he understood and walked off to join the group as I headed to the tube station.
With every step I took towards the Tube Station I felt better. I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I would soon be home and could have a bath and go to bed. But that didn’t happen.
I got on the tube and I had a moment of Strength. I had a moment which probably sparked off my entire recovery. I gritted my teeth and told myself there was no way I was going to go home. I took the Tube 1 stop and got out to walk to the Pub with determination flowing through me. I arrived at the pub with Adrenalin pumping through me and found my friends in the beer garden and I told my friend, who had just said goodbye to me, that I had come back that I would try and enjoy my evening with them. Which I did.
With every step I took towards the Tube Station I felt better. I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I would soon be home and could have a bath and go to bed. But that didn’t happen.
I got on the tube and I had a moment of Strength. I had a moment which probably sparked off my entire recovery. I gritted my teeth and told myself there was no way I was going to go home. I took the Tube 1 stop and got out to walk to the Pub with determination flowing through me. I arrived at the pub with Adrenalin pumping through me and found my friends in the beer garden and I told my friend, who had just said goodbye to me, that I had come back that I would try and enjoy my evening with them. Which I did.
Working Life
I wasn’t diagnosed with Social Anxiety disorder until I was 21 years old and in my second year of University. At 18, after leaving College, I became an apprentice Estate Agent working in Central London and after 3 months of working in the Sales Department I was given control of the department to reorganise it and develop it whilst studying for my apprenticeship.
I was very surprised that I didn’t experience Panic Attacks at work. There were times when I felt anxious but it never developed into something I couldn’t handle. In comparison this was a time when I was regularly experiencing Anxiety related issues when I was with my group of friends.
I think working in property gave me the strength and independence to start thinking about my life in the longer term. At the core of it was learning about something that was very serious and central to a lot of adult’s lives. Buying, Selling, Renting and Letting properties are things all adults have to experience and it gave me confidence that I was learning about something that is so important to people.
I was an Estate Agent for just over 1.5 years and I thoroughly enjoyed my job, I never tried to sell someone a property they were not looking for and I argued with my boss about the ethics of selling as I believe and still maintain that selling property should be considered a service. You are helping people find a place to live, not selling them a product.
When I was at work, I took control of my life which was a huge thing for me given what I was going through. I decided to apply for university to study a degree in Business & Management and I was accepted to go and study in Bath. I wanted to challenge myself and move away from home to develop and a small part of it was to see if my anxiety would follow me. I also realised I would be leaving my friendship group behind.
I was very surprised that I didn’t experience Panic Attacks at work. There were times when I felt anxious but it never developed into something I couldn’t handle. In comparison this was a time when I was regularly experiencing Anxiety related issues when I was with my group of friends.
I think working in property gave me the strength and independence to start thinking about my life in the longer term. At the core of it was learning about something that was very serious and central to a lot of adult’s lives. Buying, Selling, Renting and Letting properties are things all adults have to experience and it gave me confidence that I was learning about something that is so important to people.
I was an Estate Agent for just over 1.5 years and I thoroughly enjoyed my job, I never tried to sell someone a property they were not looking for and I argued with my boss about the ethics of selling as I believe and still maintain that selling property should be considered a service. You are helping people find a place to live, not selling them a product.
When I was at work, I took control of my life which was a huge thing for me given what I was going through. I decided to apply for university to study a degree in Business & Management and I was accepted to go and study in Bath. I wanted to challenge myself and move away from home to develop and a small part of it was to see if my anxiety would follow me. I also realised I would be leaving my friendship group behind.
University and being diagnosed
I made friends very quickly at University and I was living in Halls. It felt amazing to be away from London and to be able to experience something new at a time when I was taking control of my life.
I also decided to demand more from myself. To make an effort with other people much more, to be the leader I’ve always known I can be and to not be afraid to push myself. During Freshers week I had the dream start of getting to know some really cool people but unfortunately my anxiety still held me back and I want to share with you another story.
I also decided to demand more from myself. To make an effort with other people much more, to be the leader I’ve always known I can be and to not be afraid to push myself. During Freshers week I had the dream start of getting to know some really cool people but unfortunately my anxiety still held me back and I want to share with you another story.
I went to the Students Union with a few friends and sat down at a table shared with other people. I started talking to a lovely girl who I then went on to spend time playing Pool with an eventually we went on a romantic walk together around campus.
We came to a bench which we both lay down on and she turned her head towards me to give me the indication that she wanted me to kiss her. I turned away because my anxiety held me back. My anxiety had already flared up to the point where I was overthinking the situation and I turned away from her. I instantly regretted it and feel like she felt that I had rejected her. I walked with her back towards the Students Union and hugged her goodbye. We spoke again afterwards but it was a little awkward and I knew that I had blown my chance with her. I told myself that I needed to learn from this and that I couldn’t let this stop me from meeting new people and developing new relationships and to learn from it rather than dwell and also to take the positives.
For me I felt great about everything that built up to the moment on the bench but I did feel that I had let myself down.
We came to a bench which we both lay down on and she turned her head towards me to give me the indication that she wanted me to kiss her. I turned away because my anxiety held me back. My anxiety had already flared up to the point where I was overthinking the situation and I turned away from her. I instantly regretted it and feel like she felt that I had rejected her. I walked with her back towards the Students Union and hugged her goodbye. We spoke again afterwards but it was a little awkward and I knew that I had blown my chance with her. I told myself that I needed to learn from this and that I couldn’t let this stop me from meeting new people and developing new relationships and to learn from it rather than dwell and also to take the positives.
For me I felt great about everything that built up to the moment on the bench but I did feel that I had let myself down.
After the first month of university I developed a friendship with someone who gave me such strength and understanding. He was a first year with me and also had issues with mental health. When we found out we were both dealing with issues I think it was a great relief for both of us that we could rely on each other for support. He empowered me to think about new areas of my life I wanted to develop such as my diet, my exercise regime, recovering my confidence in social situations. We often spent hours talking about deep complex subjects which is something I hadn’t experienced before with other friends.
In my second year I realised that I was taking the right steps but alas symptoms of anxiety and panic still had not left me and would still creep up from time to time. Symptoms such as loss of appetite were common for me.
I decided to speak to my doctor and received a referral for a Talking Therapies session. I had wanted to go onto medication but I was told by my GP that I needed to speak to a counsellor first. The counsellor tried to find out where my Social Anxiety had originated but we were unsuccessful with identifying a specific event or time when it first occurred. In all honesty I wasn’t very interested in where it had come from. I just wanted some medical help to find a solution.
I decided to speak to my doctor and received a referral for a Talking Therapies session. I had wanted to go onto medication but I was told by my GP that I needed to speak to a counsellor first. The counsellor tried to find out where my Social Anxiety had originated but we were unsuccessful with identifying a specific event or time when it first occurred. In all honesty I wasn’t very interested in where it had come from. I just wanted some medical help to find a solution.
My GP agreed to give me a prescription to treat my Anxiety but stressed that this medication would not be the cure. What this medication would do is act as a buffer between myself and my anxiety.
I would receive temporary relief from my symptoms whilst I was on the medication. I started a course of Citalopram at 10mg which helped by bringing my Seratonin levels up. My mood changed significantly and I became much more cheerful and happy. It was the first sign to me that I was going to overcome the Anxiety. How it made me feel was how I felt when I was an early teenager. I felt energetic, happy, excited and determined. I wanted these feelings to last the rest of my life.
I did have some side effects such as lack of concentration. I worked hard to ensure this did not have a significant impact on my studies. When the dose was increased, I started to lose the happiness and I just felt normal. I think it would be very easy to interpret this as the medicine had stopped working but I trusted my doctor and I told myself to continue to take my medication until it was time for me to come off.
I would receive temporary relief from my symptoms whilst I was on the medication. I started a course of Citalopram at 10mg which helped by bringing my Seratonin levels up. My mood changed significantly and I became much more cheerful and happy. It was the first sign to me that I was going to overcome the Anxiety. How it made me feel was how I felt when I was an early teenager. I felt energetic, happy, excited and determined. I wanted these feelings to last the rest of my life.
I did have some side effects such as lack of concentration. I worked hard to ensure this did not have a significant impact on my studies. When the dose was increased, I started to lose the happiness and I just felt normal. I think it would be very easy to interpret this as the medicine had stopped working but I trusted my doctor and I told myself to continue to take my medication until it was time for me to come off.
I came off my medication after a period of between 6 months and 1 year. I then was encouraged to have a follow up appointment with the Talking Therapies service back in London. My second Talking Therapies counsellor gave me a great impression. She was a very calm person who was interested in knowing what I had gone through so far. She was able to answer all my questions in detail about what had happened to me and gave valuable insight into what I could do to safeguard myself in the future against relapsing into issues with Social Anxiety.
After my second session with her she told me that I no longer required any treatment and that she was confident that if I continued with the changes that I had made to my life then I would be able to cope with any anxious moments I had in the future.
Since this meeting I have not had a Panic Attack. I have pushed myself further than I expected and I am happy with the life that I am living.
I now work in the hotel industry in a Guest facing role. This kind of position is something someone with Anxiety should find very difficult. With the changes I have made I excel when it comes to interacting with guests and with my colleagues. I now work for one of the world’s leading Hospitality Brands.
You can get through this!
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